A New Perspective
by dnalalal
Summary: Post Tabula Rasa - When Buffy wakes up one morning a new development forces her to see things from a different point of view - S/B
1. Chapter 1

A New Perspective  
Chapter 1  
  
~~~~  
  
Buffy stretched and purred softly as sleep slowly unleashed its fervid hold on her. She sprawled nude across her white silk sheets but still hesitated to open her eyes. A light smiled played across her lips. It was at this point that she felt most content. There was nothing like the comfort of being safe in your own bed.  
  
Her mind lazily wandered through the events of the previous day and settled on a pleasant memory.  
  
~~~~  
  
"What are you doing here luv?" he eyed her warily, never knowing what to expect when she was around.  
  
"I just came to visit."  
  
Spike raised an eyebrow.  
  
Buffy hesitated, she looked ready to bolt any minute.  
  
"I, uh, patrolling was kind of slow and I was nearby so I thought maybe..I should go. I'm sorry." She turned back to the door she'd passed through only moments before.  
  
Spike caught her wrist.  
  
"That's quite alright. Stay." He slowly drew her into the depths of his crypt. "I don't get 'visitors' very often."  
  
He loved the look on her face. Unsure, vulnerable. He rarely got to see her like this, he always came up against the slayer, but this was Buffy. The real Buffy with all defenses down.  
  
He felt a sense of wonderment that she had come to him in this state. That she had trusted him in this state, knowing all that she knew about him.  
  
"Sit down luv." He gestured to the couch.  
  
She obeyed tensely, her back ramrod straight.  
  
Spike sat at the other end, turned to face her. For a moment he just let his eyes wander over her. He lingered a while on her exposed throat and then met her hazel eyes. He swallowed audibly, his mouth had suddenly gone dry and he fought to stay in control of his baser instincts.  
  
"H-how is Dawn?" he stuttered, breaking the uncomfortable silence.  
  
The corner of her mouth twitched a little.  
  
"Fine. Good, she's keeping busy with school."  
  
"That's good. And the others?"  
  
Buffy brought her hands together in her lap and began to scratch at the freshly applied nail polish.  
  
"Well, uh, Giles is gone for good now." She hesitated a moment, waiting for the emotions that came along with that statement to subside. "And Tara's moved out..Willow's not handling it very well...Xander and Anya are fine though."  
  
Spike nodded. He wasn't surprised; he had seen it coming with the witches. Ever since they'd brought Buffy back he'd seen it in Willow's eyes. The feeling of empowerment that magic brought her. She was treading on the edge, but he kept his thoughts to himself, for now at least. Buffy had enough on her mind he was sure.  
  
"And you?" His dark intense eyes probing her for the truth.  
  
"It's getting better. Things are getting easier.." She smiled lightly, but he could tell it was a false smile.  
  
They were silent again, contemplating each other.  
  
Finally Buffy broke the silence with a question she'd never asked before. A question she'd never thought or cared to ask before.  
  
"How are you doing Spike?"  
  
He grinned rakishly.  
  
"Never better pet. Thanks for asking." There was no need to burden her anymore than she already was. Besides, this answer was the truth..at least for the moment.  
  
Buffy was here, in his crypt, and they were having a decent, civilized conversation that wasn't peppered with insults. She had come of her own free will, and he could tell that for once her visit wouldn't end with a 'Spike, can I ask a favor..?'.  
  
Damn right he'd never been better.  
  
~~~~  
  
He'd suggested they watch a movie and Buffy had heartily agreed. By that point the conversation had become stilted and uncomfortable and it wouldn't have been long before one or the other brought up the night, no so long ago, at the Bronze and the unusual activities they'd engaged in under the stairs. Not that they were SO unusual anymore.  
  
He'd offered her something inoffensive to drink, but she'd suggested playfully that they dip into his supply of liquor. She'd known then and she still knew now that it wasn't a smart move but yet she couldn't resist. The consequences weren't pretty or pleasant but for once she wanted a slayer free night. Without the thoughts or worries of the slayer in the back of her mind. She could never fully relax with Spike around when her slayer senses were still working full time. And they'd begun to work overtime as Spike inched closer and closer to her as the night progressed.  
  
She wanted the slayer's rationale to be gone. She wanted to give in to her feelings and yet her logical side wouldn't let her. She was tired..so tired. She didn't want to fight it anymore and drowning out the background thoughts seemed a practical solution.  
  
Unfortunately the night hadn't left her with very much to remember, but it had left her with a pleasant feeling. She didn't need to remember specific events to know that she'd had a good time.  
  
But now she was back in her own bed. She didn't know how she'd gotten there, Spike had probably brought her home, he wouldn't let her leave by herself in her intoxicated state she was sure. And she was alone. She felt a wave of disappointment at that, but maybe it was all for the best. With the effects of the liquor all but gone maybe it was better for him not to be around when her logical side kicked into gear and felt the need to belittle him and deny any feelings she may have for him.  
  
She rolled onto her side and curled up, hugging a pillow to her. She lay peacefully, just letting herself indulge in the mood that the night before had embarked on her for a while, before this new days events came bursting into her sleepy reverie.  
  
Suddenly an eerie feeling pierced her dreamlike state. It came from no where and was gone just as fast as it'd come, but Buffy couldn't shake the sensation it left behind, or ignore the goose bumps that'd cover her body.   
  
She reached behind her and pulled a sheet over her bare body. She ignored this new feeling and tried to recapture the one it had interrupted, but still, something just didn't feel right.  
  
"Damn." She muttered, finally letting her eyes flicker open. Expecting to find the room bathed in morning's light as usual she was surprised to be surrounded by darkness. She rubbed her eyes and checked again.  
  
Still dark.  
  
An ominous shiver made it's way down her spine.  
  
"Don't be silly." She told herself, pulling a fuzzy bathrobe off a chair next to her bed. She slipped into it as she stood up and did it up tightly, warding off the chill that seemed to have descended on the room.  
  
She glanced around and noticed the dark curtains pulled across both of her windows.  
  
"See, it's just the curtains blocking the sun." She told herself, while carefully avoiding the thought that she never ever closed the dark blue curtains. They had been hung purely to frame the windows, which had lighter coloured blinds that let a cheerful glow filter into the room in the mornings.  
  
She tried to shrug it off, thinking maybe Spike had closed them in anticipation of staying over, but had thought better of it. But the feeling of foreboding stayed with her.  
  
She sat back on the bed and waited. She didn't know what for, but she knew something was going to happen. Her senses never acted up without just reason.  
  
She needed to stay focused, but try as she might, her thoughts again floated back to the night before.  
  
~~~~  
  
"Can I try the one you're drinking?"  
  
"I don't know Slayer.."  
  
She placed a tiny finger across his lips.  
  
"Shh..tonight I'm not the slayer. I'm just me. Buffy."  
  
He smiled softly and kissed her finger, tempted to do more, but he never even had a chance. His unexpected gesture of tenderness had sobered her up enough to pull away, her head full of reasons why she shouldn't be here, with him.  
  
That simple movement hurt him more than any words she could say. Even in a half intoxicated state he repulsed her.  
  
Spike sighed and pushed those thoughts to the back of his head. Just being here with her was enough for him.  
  
"Alright..Buffy..But I think this one is a little too strong for you."  
  
She grabbed the flask from him, ignoring his protests and took a long sip. She nearly coughed it all back up but she didn't care, she just wanted to lose herself in it. She didn't want those thoughts to needle her anymore.  
  
After another two or three sips she was back to giggling happily.  
  
Spike gently coaxed the flask from her and took a sip himself. He sat back and just watched, pain digging into his heart at the thought that she had to be drunk to be relaxed around him. He knew he could never have her completely, not that he had her at all.  
  
Her small hand gently caressing his thigh snapped him quickly away from his thoughts.  
  
"I'm so naughty.." She giggled.  
  
"Buffy..luv, pay attention to what you're doing." He shifted away warily.  
  
"I AM paying attention Spike. You're silly. Silly Spike." She leaned back against the cushions, her hand momentarily forgetting its mission.  
  
Spike took that moment to shift enough that her hand fell limply to the couch. He didn't want her like this.  
  
"I am sooo going to be feeling this in the morning." She groaned, in a moment of clarity.  
  
Spike chuckled...  
  
~~~~  
  
"That's it!" Buffy mumbled out loud. She placed a hand over her stomach.  
  
Nothing.  
  
She was not known for holding her liquor, and yet now, somehow, her stomach wasn't queasy at all. She actually felt..perky?  
  
She knew that had something to do with the dark feelings she'd had only moments earlier. She felt as though she was on the edge of an epiphany and it was driving her insane.  
  
What had she done the night before that was trying to come to light?  
  
She didn't think it was something she really wanted to remember, but felt that it was important and it was eating away at her.  
  
She grunted with frustration when still nothing came to mind and decided that maybe if she busied her mind with other things it would come to her when she least expected it.  
  
She stood up and began to shuffle towards her en suite bathroom when something caught her eye. Or actually, DIDN'T catch her eye.  
  
She had probably only imagined it..but just to be sure..  
  
She backed up the few steps to the mirror hanging above her dresser and found it wasn't just an illusion.  
  
There was no reflection peering back at her.  
  
TBC 


	2. Chapter 2

A New Perspective  
Chapter 2  
  
~~~~  
Buffy cautiously opened the back door and was about to stick her bare hand out into the morning sunlight when she heard sounds behind her. She spun around.  
  
"Hey Buffy. Whatcha up to?" Dawn asked, taking a bite of an apple.  
  
"I, uh, why are you up so early Dawn?"  
  
"Hello..it's like 11:30. Somebody had a late night last night hmmm?"  
  
"Look Dawn. You need to..I need to.."  
  
"Wha? I need to forget that you came home at 4 with your hair and clothes all mussed...and Spike's hair and clothes all mussed..and you guys were all pawing at each other..?"  
  
"What?!"  
  
"No way jose. That is wicked blackmail material. So, I can go to that party at Serena's tonight right?"  
  
"No! What? Dawn.."  
  
"Spike musta done a number on you..you're all clueless. Still in the ecstasy zone eh?"  
  
"Dawn!" Buffy put her hand to her forehead, where a strong headache had suddenly formed.   
  
"Stop it. Stop..stop, stop." She mumbled, closing her eyes.  
  
"Listen Buffy, I swear to God if you don't let me go to Serena's party I'll tell Will everything! Or even worse, I may tell Xander and Anya! This is the biggest party--"  
  
"STOP!" Buffy's eyes snapped open to reveal their now yellow colour. With fangs beared she growled at Dawn who shrank away with wide eyes.  
  
"Oh my God..Oh no..oh Buffy..no.." Dawn stumbled away.  
  
Buffy's finger tips rubbed against the ridges across her brow and she yanked them away in horror.  
  
"What the?" She ran to a nearby mirror to see what it was and the shock of not seeing her own reflection staring back at her resurfaced. Suddenly she knew what Dawn was seeing. She tentitively ran her fingers over her razor sharp fangs.  
  
Buffy looked over at Dawn and saw the fear that was painfully apparent in her face.  
  
"Oh God..Dawnie, no!" She reached out her hand towards her sister, which only terrified her more. Finally Dawn's mind connected with her feet and she turned and fled from the room.  
  
Buffy growled and yanked a blanket from the nearby couch. She threw it over her head and stalked angrily out the door.  
  
~~~~  
  
The sound of his crypt door slamming and angry footsteps dashing across the floor above him woke Spike. He reached over the side of the bed and seized the small but lethal dagger he kept there. With it firmly in his grasp he lay back, shutting his eyes and hid his hand under the covers.  
  
~~~~  
  
"Wake up you bastard!" Buffy screamed, yanking the covers back.  
  
Spike caught her arm and pulled her down onto the bed beside him. He had the advantage of surprise, and also of having a clear head and soon overcame her.  
  
He straddled her struggling body and held her wrists together above her head. His other hand held the dagger with its point just grazing below her chin.  
  
"Buffy?" He froze, only now noticing who it was. He groaned inwardly realizing his mistake and was about to let go...  
  
"That's right asshole! Now let go of me so I can stake your ass properly!"  
  
After hearing that he decided it might be best to hold on to her for just a while longer.  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
Buffy struggled against him but to no avail. In this position he could keep her here forever.  
  
"You deserve worse than a staking!" Buffy spat. "But you aren't worth me wasting my time torturing you!"  
  
Spike chuckled, he leaned down, bringing his face close to hers.  
  
"Is this a game luv? Because I think I like it."  
  
He was leaning in to kiss her when she used all the force she had and head butted him, sending him flying backwards.  
  
"Bloody hell Slayer! That was uncalled for."  
  
She stood over him, one heeled boot on his chest. He easily could have toppled her over, but he didn't try it.  
  
"How could you Spike?"  
  
"Slay--Buffy..I don't follow you luv."  
  
She dug her foot in a little harder and he groaned.  
  
"How could you? I trusted you! Don't you realize how hard that was for me?!" Her face was contorted in a mixture of anger, frustration and pain. Tears coursed down her cheeks.  
  
"Buffy..I didn't do anything! You were the one all in wanting."  
  
"LIAR!" She fumbled in her pocket until she had what she wanted. The stake she pulled out made Spike realize the seriousness of the situation. He'd seen that one before, it was the one she used only when going after a big kill.  
  
"Luv..now wait a minute and think this through.."  
  
"I will not--"  
  
Spike grasped her ankle tightly and turned it sharply, pulling down at the same time. Buffy fell to the side and hit the ground hard. The stake shot out of her hand and rolled under the bed.  
  
The sharp pain in the head Spike received slowed him down just enough so that he wasn't able to get the upper hand and the two of them jumped to their feet in unison. Fists and minds ready for battle.  
  
"Buffy what's gotten into you?"  
  
"You. You monster!" She seethed. She threw a punch his way but he blocked it.  
  
"I don't understand! What did I do?"  
  
"You've probably been planning it all along haven't you?"  
  
"Buffy.."  
  
"This whole thing about you loving me? It was all a lie I bet."  
  
"That's not true! I do love you. You know that." He dropped his fists, showing her in the only way he knew how, that he was telling the truth.   
  
"STOP LYING!" Buffy screamed and lashed out in frustration, using his momentarily defenseless state against him.   
  
Spike howled in pain and clutched his nose. When he brought his hand away he saw that it was covered in blood. Without letting his eyes stray from Buffy's shaking form he stepped back, out of her reach.  
  
"Buffy, what's going on luv?"  
  
"Don't 'luv' me!" She seethed.  
  
Spike brought a hand to his throbbing temple and grimaced.  
  
"Fine, Buffy, what the bloody hell is going on? You rush in here knocking me around without an explanation. Give a man some warning before you go all bitch-monster!" His raised his eyebrows questioningly, but still didn't let his guard down. His seemingly broken nose was reminder enough of what that led to.  
  
"You are not a man! Stop acting all innocent! I'll kill you for this!" She took a step towards him, and Spike stepped back in turn.   
  
Two more steps on her part elicited two equal steps on his. Suddenly Spike felt himself with his back to the wall. He cursed, unless he could talk some sense into her, she had him trapped.  
  
"Buffy, I know you live big time in denial land..but we didn't do anything last night that should bring about this sort of reaction. Talk to me..."  
  
"Enough talking!" She snapped, and threw a hard left hook.  
  
Thinking quickly Spike caught her wrist, but didn't stop her momentum, only redirected it. Her fist smashed against the rock an inch from his face. Buffy howled in pain.  
  
Spike grabbed a nearby chain and snapped it onto her wrist. The chain was old and rusted and he knew it wouldn't hold her for long, but it would have to do.   
  
Buffy lunged towards him, as far as the chain would let her, but by that point he was already out of her reach. He hurried up the ladder to the second floor and looked for someway to restrain her so that he could talk some sense into her.  
  
Buffy roared in anger and frustration and lunged out again, this time snapping the chain in two. She followed Spike up to the main level.  
  
"Buffy. Just tell me what the hell you think happened and we'll work this all out. No need to get rash."  
  
Buffy ignored his words, she'd had enough of this, it was time to finish it. She advanced on him.   
  
Spike didn't move away, but he stood ready, with his fists up, prepared to block whatever she threw at him.  
  
Knowing he could anticipate almost every move she made, she did what he was least expecting.  
  
When her knee connected with its target Spike howled in pain. He toppled over in a heap, lying all curled up.  
  
He gasped for air.  
  
"..Buffy..?" Glancing up he saw a sight he'd only ever dreamt about.  
  
Buffy's yellow eyes flashed in anger. She reached down and grabbed his shirt by the collar and yanked him up into a standing position.  
  
Spike didn't bother to fight back, he was too shocked.  
  
"That's right," she growled, "get a good look at your handiwork bastard! It'll be the last thing you ever see!!"  
  
She dragged him across the room and yanked the door to the crypt open, being careful to avoid the bright rays of light.  
  
"Oh God! Buffy..no"  
  
But it was no use, without further ado she shoved him out the door into the deadly sunlight.  
  
Spike held his hands up in a feeble attempt to ward off the sunlight..he felt his skin begin to warm unbearably. He stared back towards the shadowed figure, fear apparent in his eyes.  
  
"Buffy..what have you done?"  
  
TBC 


End file.
